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“Why do I still feel this way?”

If you’ve ever Googled that late at night, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve had a few good weeks—you’re going to work, meeting friends, even laughing again. Then one song comes on the radio and suddenly, you’re crying in the car, back in the grief you thought you left behind.

It feels confusing. Frustrating. Like you’re failing at healing.
But here’s the truth: healing isn’t linear.

What Healing Really Looks Like

Healing isn’t a straight upward climb from “broken” to “better.”
It’s messy. Circular. Exhausting. Emotional.

Some days you’ll feel strong and clear.
Other days, you’ll feel like you’re drowning again.

But those ups and downs don’t mean you’re backsliding.
They mean your body and heart are still metabolizing what you’ve been through.

Why You Still Feel This Way

Here are a few reasons why grief and trauma healing often feels like a rollercoaster:

Your nervous system is recalibrating.
After betrayal, loss, or a toxic relationship, your body doesn’t know what “safe” feels like right away. Healing involves teaching your nervous system new rhythms—and that takes time.

Grief comes in waves.
One moment you feel fine, the next moment you’re wrecked. That’s not failure—that’s grief being grief.

Triggers are part of the process.
Songs, places, smells, or even phrases can stir up memories. These triggers aren’t signs that you’re stuck—they’re opportunities to process what your body still remembers.

You’re making meaning.
Healing isn’t just about “moving on.” It’s about making sense of what happened, who you became in it, and who you’re becoming after it. That’s deep work—and it rarely happens in a straight line.

You’re Not Backsliding—You’re Growing

Think of healing like a spiral staircase. You may feel like you’re circling the same pain over and over, but each time you come back to it, you’re at a slightly higher level.

The grief may still sting, but you’re learning new ways to soothe yourself.

The shame may still whisper, but you’re learning how to answer it with compassion.

The memories may still surface, but you’re starting to see them with new perspective.

That’s growth. That’s progress. Even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

Signs You’re Actually Moving Forward

It can help to look for subtler markers of healing:

You recover from triggers faster than you used to.

You’re more compassionate with yourself than critical.

You notice a little more calm, a little more clarity, a little more hope.

You reach for healthier coping strategies instead of old ones.

These may feel small, but they’re proof you’re moving forward—even if your path isn’t straight.

When to Seek Extra Support

Sometimes the waves feel too big to carry alone. That’s where therapy can help.

Individual counseling offers a space to:

Process grief and trauma without judgment

Untangle shame and self-blame

Learn nervous system regulation tools

Rebuild self-trust and identity

Hold space for both pain and possibility

Final Word

Healing isn’t clean. It isn’t fast. It isn’t linear.

But that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human.

If you’re sitting in the messy middle, wondering “Why do I still feel this way?”—please know: your process is valid. You are not broken. And you don’t have to do this alone.

🖤 Ready to start your healing journey? Click here 👉 Book your free consultation today.